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[personal profile] lifebythedrop
So today I showed the movie version of Othello in my English 2 classes and came home to drink a bottle of wine and watch 5 episodes of Avatar:The Last Airbender in retaliation for the insanity of

So we are still waiting for the final word from India, which they mentioned might be last Friday, but then they gave our references until Monday(today) to respond, and we haven't heard yet. The anticipation is killing. I have reconciled myself to either outcome, but I really, really need to know which it's going to be. In preparation, we have put our "fixer-upper" house on the market (today!), and over the weekend, BetterHalf replaced both toilets while I laid laminate flooring in the bathroom and put beadboard paneling on the walls, painted the kitchen, and started on the trim (which I set the kids to work on taping off throughout the house.)

Everytime I have sat down, I've nearly fallen asleep with a cup of coffee in my hands. And then yesterday, the dam broke.

We've put lots of things we don't need/don't use up on craigslist, and we've made about $400 and cleared a lot of junk, but yesterday we sold the dining table. It feels like we have cut the heart out of our house. I had no idea, of course, that I would feel this way about it, or I would have delayed. I just kept finding myself over and over thinking about sitting at the table together an planning something and then realizing that we had sold the table and now the front room of our house is just a big empty shell.

So...I thought, we ought to move the HUGE sectional couch and ALL the AV equipment out of our perfectly well put- together Media room (read: former Master bedroom) and out into the open living room. Shuffle th ebed back into the Master, change our current bedroom into an office, oh hell, the list of revisions goes on and on. My husband looked at me patiently and said, "I don't think we need to do that."

I sulked for a couple of hours and cried about it when no one was looking. I know that a big part of it was stress, and exhaustion played a pretty significant role as well. I've let go of my big house reconfiguration plans. Whoever buys this place is just going to tear it all up to redo it. It's part of the stress in making it all nice - I know that the next person will demolish whatever we've done. But it still has to look OK, right? I don't even know anymore. I'm just ready to be out from under it, I think. India or no.

I'm still hoping for India.

And waiting for word.

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April 2012

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